The Belief and disbelief

This is first time I am giving an actual shape to my random thoughts. Someone told me to start writing whatever is in your head, it will make things clear.

Living in a small town of Canada, as an immigrant and working a fully remote job was becoming less enjoyable every passing day, the human interaction becomes rare and rare, and I was getting surrounded by gadgets almost all the time.

To avoid this, I started going to small cafe, for full 8 hours.

I was waiting for the signal to turn green, idling at the front of the stopped lane. Started looking around, across the street, when I noticed them — two figures walking along the sidewalk. It was hard to pin down their gender at first glance, so I settled on gentlemen for now. They moved with a certain sluggishness, their bodies a little out of shape, their outfits more traditionally feminine, though each sported a full, unmistakable beard. Leashes in hand, their dogs trotted ahead, oblivious to the subtle oddities of their owners.

I begin to think, what are these guys doing with their lives? What is the purpose of living like this? What not workout and be in better shape? What kinda fool they are. A unnecessary hatred start to appear in my mind.

After almost one week, standing at same intersection, saw those same guys, but this time, I started thinking in completely opposite manner.

This time the spiral of thoughts I jumped in was, these guys are truly genius, they know the life is gonna end anyway and you will be dust in no time, then what’s the point of pushing yourself to the gym, doing heavy exercises and torturing yourself.

The time I was thinking this, I was also aware of what my thoughts were when I saw those guys last time.

It’s like a realtime experience of doublethink, as described by George Orwell in 1984.

Wondering if it’s just me or other people feel the same, holding two contradicting statements about something and both make equal sense on their own.

And it’s just not about these guys, I often come up with such thoughts on many aspects of life.